Many people don't understand what the real problem is. Most of us can understand why Sex Trafficking is such a bad thing, but very few people understand why pornography is bad. Objectification of the human body is all around us. It is in grocery stores, on magazines, billboards, and televisions. I want to let people know why pornography destroys relationships, self-worth, sex life, and skews one's view on what love is supposed to be. I want people to know that porn does affect not only ourselves but the people around us. Most people will stop reading this article because it is to uncomfortable, but I challenge you to keep reading.
I had the privilege of sitting down with an organization in Tulsa, OK called, "The Demand Project" (www.thedemandproject.org). The founder of the organization, Jason Weis, is also a police officer and works alongside government officials to get laws passed that help fight human trafficking. The Demand Project is very tuned in with the problem of pornography and what it does to the human mind and relationships. Jason was telling me about his line of work and how he sets up fake profiles on child pornography sites to catch predators. One case that really stuck with me was when he was posing as a young girl. After months of talking with a man, the predator wanted to meet up with who he perceived to be a young girl, so that he could have babies with her and then have sex with their babies. Thankfully Jason is going to testify against this man in court and hopefully get him behind bars.
After being completely shocked from that story I dared to ask Jason a question that I didn't really want to know the answer to. I asked him, "What is the youngest case that you have seen?" right away he said, "6 days old." I almost vomited. He went on to tell me more about the story, but I will spare you the details. Needless to say, the baby did die from that.
These men didn't just wake up one day and decide to have sex with children, it was a progression. Over time and countless hours of diving deeper into the world of porn a man becomes lost and wants more. It all starts somewhere. When someone tries so hard to obtain something they can't have, they seek it out in the real world and want it that much more. Over time simply looking at pictures or videos becomes dull, not exhilarating, and non-thrilling. When looking for that thrill again in the real world we will find it in things like sadomasochism, 50 Shades of Grey, lust, cheating, orgies, perverted talk, degrading of the opposite gender, rape, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, cat calling, one night stands/ hookups, masturbation, etc. When someone submits themselves to idolize porn, they will soon find themselves bowing to its immense power.
Many people think that they have control of their porn addiction and can handle it, that it isn't ruining their lives. But doesn't an alcoholic or drug addict think the same way? We think that we have control over it but we don't. No matter how you spin it, porn is an addiction. We also think that we are not hurting anyone when we look at porn. I can't tell you how many people have told me this, and I just want to yell and say, "YOU ARE WRONG!! Of course you are hurting people." When we click on a website, the ads on the side are what pay the host of that site. It is how they are making their money so that the producers can continue to make pornography and traffic people into the business. If you don't believe that the majority of pornography is trafficked victims then I suggest you read this article from the prospective of Shelley Luben, an ex pornstar. (https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/former-porn-star-porn-was-the-worst-darkest-thing-ive-ever-been-involved-in)
When someone looks at porn, it stimulates the pleasure center of the brain much like drugs. Sometimes it makes the brain more active. However, just like many things that we over expose ourselves to, we become numb and try to seek out more so we can get that same euphoric thrill that we once had when it all started. Porn is a drug, so we need to treat it like a drug. People become dependent on porn, slipping further and further from soft to hard core and to child/teen porn. Humans naturally want what they can't have and that is why the progression is so aggressive and fast paced. The number one search in porn is teen/young porn.
Pornography kills relationships because we become dependent on it and view it as that is what love should be like. It makes us think that love is strictly physical, that we don't have to work at our relationships at all. In the porn world people just meet, have sex and it is all fun and games, a fantasy, a world where people are objects and you can shop from item to item. But in the real world we have responsibilities, we actually have to work for our relationships, whether that is with our family, friends or spouse. When a person gets so wrapped up in the fantasy of porn it makes them think that that is how the real world is, when it's not. A porn addict will believe that it is alright to go from person to person because that is what they have become used to by switching from profile to profile. This is one reason why the divorce rate is so high, because people don't think they have to work for their relationships anymore.
We can fight pornography by keeping each other accountable. Talk about it with each other. You can make up code words to make it easier to talk about. For example, "Did you eat applesauce today?" or "Did you see the hummingbirds?" What ever it is, your code word/phrase is just meant to make it easier to keep each other accountable, because if I have someone struggling with a meth addiction I'm not going to ask them in a crowd of people how they are doing with their meth addiction. It puts them on the spot and could make them not want to tell you. But if we use a code then it can be talked about as soon as you think about it whether that is in a public or private place and not make either parties uncomfortable about it. When it pops in your mind that is because God wants you to discuss it.
With an accountability partner I suggest someone who isn't your pier. Choose someone who is older because chances are they have gone through it and have over come it and are more likely to be able to give you wisdom. We can't have the blind leading the blind! Also when people have their piers as accountability partners then tend to brush it off much easier rather then diving deeper into the the root of the problem. They say, "Oh yeah, I struggled this week too." and nothing else is said. Accountability is key because together we can break the cycle.
What else can people do? Sometimes we need to take extreme measures.
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' (Exodus 20:14) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Matt 5:27-30
We may need to get rid of our computers, cellphones and tablets. Go back to flip phones and letters! Some of us can't really do that but there are things like Covenant Eyes and XXXChurch that help block sites that are not appropriate.
God hates this, He wants to see His children free. The biggest lie that Satan tells us is that we are the only ones who struggle with it, that people will judge us, and that we are weak if we have problems. Don't let Satan control your life, seek help. Don't let him destroy your self-worth and love. We are in this together.